Things troubling me lately...

I'm so happy with so many things in my life right now: I'm really happy with school, I love my major and I'm so passionate about it, I'm excited to start my teaching career, I have a great group of friends in the program who are inspiring to me, I love my job at the ASU Child Development Lab -- the two-year-olds that I work with surprise me and amaze me every day, and they too inspire me and help me to look at life in a different way--, I love my relationship and where it's headed, I love the relationship I have with my sister and my other family members. BUT, there's still something ,or rather someone -- someone so vital, so special-- who is missing in all this happiness, my mom. My sweet, amazing mom. All of these wonderful things are going on in my life without my mom. I want her to be here to share in this happiness. Whenever something good in my life happens I think about how my mom is missing out on it-- she's missing out on another milestone, another accomplishment. I KNOW she would be proud of me, but I want her to be here to tell me that. I want to tell her about all of the funny things the kids said to me or did that day -- she appreciated those kinds of stories in a way that no body else does. Oh how I dream of having conversations with her again. I HATE DEATH!! I hate it so badly sometimes. I don't want it to be a part of life! I don't want anyone to tell me it's all okay because I'll see her again! I want her NOW!! It's just not fair, and I HATE it! I hate hating something, but sometimes I just can't help it. It's too hard not to sometimes. Every girl (or most girls) have such a special bond with their mom, a bond that no one else would/could understand. I had a very special bond with my mom that can never be replaced. I don't ever want it to be replaced. I will NEVER stop missing her. It's a scary feeling. But it would be scarier if I ever did stop missing her-- it's just not possible though. Every girl needs her amazing mom to share that special, personal bond. I will ALWAYS treasure the WONDERFUL, AMAZING relationship my mom and I had.

This is a picture of my mom during our last trip to California. I think she looks beautiful. Her favorite thing to do on vacation was her favorite thing to do all the time, relax in a comfy, pretty place, and READ. She absolutely loved to read, she read predominantly mystery books. She was an amazing reader. She would read 6 books at a time, and finish a 700 page book in a week or less. She loved to just escape into a great novel. If only I could get that into reading. I like reading, but not nearly the way she did. Recently my sister and I have started to become interested in mystery novels and we wish she were here to discuss the books with us-- she would really love that. The best times spent with our mom was sitting and chatting. We had such wonderful, thoughtful conversations with her. She was such a great listener and advice-giver-- never judging. Oh how I love and miss my lovely mom.